Who Are You?
Our Behavior is Not a Reflection of Our Character
Throughout our lives, we have all hurt people with our behaviors. Sure our behaviors are intended for a positive result but that is only OUR positive intended result. When our behavior hurts someone else, does that simply reduce us down to a bad person? What about when we do something nice for someone else?
We all wear many hats in our own little ecosystems. For me, it is husband, step-father, coach/trainer, student, protector, etc. I try my best to elevate my capabilities in all of these elements that make up who I am. What are the different hats you wear and how often are you trying to improve in each element?
We are all trying the best we can no matter where we are and what we are doing, so seeking to improve can only make you better.
“I don’t mean to be rude but…”
Sometimes we can be hurt by others through their behaviors and it is easy to just label them by how you perceive them to be instead of how they are acting in the hat they are currently wearing. Have you ever heard someone say, “I don’t mean to be rude but…” and then they say something rude? Basically they are saying, I need to point something out that I am observing, and you may not like it. Now, if what they said made you upset with them, you are only upset with them because you are allowing yourself to be negatively impacted by their words due to your own insecurities or memories of being in a similar situation prior to this interaction.
Actively thinking about the positive outcome that they intend can help reduce the negative reaction that you may have. What is important however, is that you don’t just label them a bad person–after all, we have all said or done something that came out wrong or completely fell apart.
If everyone made these assumptions, we would have never escaped childhood without major insecurities and traumatic memories.
We can turn our children insecure by telling them that they are bad kids due to their behavior. They trust us enough to believe us when we say such things so it is important to never link behavior with who they are. If that is what is being taught to them then they grow up with poor self esteem and blame everyone else around them for their own problems. Are you that kid? If so, there is a solution.
Stop believing that you are a bad person and start looking at the many hats you wear objectively. Which ones do you wear well? Which ones need improvements?
For example, I am a husband so I try to be the best partner for my wife that I can be. I’m not perfect, but my heart and intentions are aligned with being a strong leader of my family and a loving husband and step-father. So I observe good husbands and do what they do. With business, I am constantly trying to improve my coaching with my clients through continuing education and consulting with mentors. As a student, I am very serious about keeping my mouth shut and ears open so that I can absorb as much information as possible.
All I can do is the best that I can do in all of these different elements of who I am but none of my individual behaviors can encompass all of who I am as a person. So the next time somebody wrongs you, try and actively think about what their positive intentions were and do not simply write them off as a bad person. They may be incompatible with you, but not necessarily bad.